A news report in the Telegraph.co.uk says: According to recent UN Food and Agriculture Organisation research, animal agriculture generates 18 per cent of the world's greenhouse gas emissions - more than the 13.5 per cent produced by all forms of transport combined. Well now, it appears that God is to blame for causing global warming since he created animals before the humans, and besides, he should have known that PETA would discover the truth about the animals. Those pesky PETA People just won’t let sleeping dogs … er … cats … er … you know, those critters “what are causing the trouble” lie. If you had trouble discerning the meaning of the previous sentence, then you are with me since PETA People don’t make any sense either.

God created animals for the humans to enjoy for food, and of course, humans being what they are, made pets of some of them. That is all well and good too, except that PETA frowns on people having pets under certain conditions, and really frowns on pets being in transport boxes and kept in the house. After all, everyone knows that the pets want to associate with other pets and like to roam free of restraint. Right? Just like unruly undisciplined kids.

There is one fact that PETA hasn’t addressed in their quest to save the animals. Where will all the cows, pigs, chickens, and other domesticated animals that are part of the food chain be housed or located since they will need food and then shelter from the storms of their existence? Apparently, they have decided it is easier to manage them in a pen than it is to kill them and eat them.

Whoa, now just an egg sucking minute here. (If the PETA People have their way we’ll have plenty of eggs to suck since we can’t kill the chickens.) Isn’t that what PETA is against, keeping them penned up? By Jove now I got it; we let them run roughshod over everything and everyone just like the gigantic herds of deer now infesting nearly every state in the nation where deer can survive. And with the aid of deer lovers from state conservation departments to the PETA People, and other misinformed beings, the populations are increasing many fold over the number the hunters are allowed to kill each season. Using that rationale, just think of all those roaming chickens that will be available for cooking not to mention all the eggs.

There is a solution to all the over population of deer that doesn’t involve the “horrible act” called hunting by humans. And it would work for all the over abundance of animals that PETA doesn’t want killed for food or killed at all. The solution you ask. Cougars, bears, bob cats, and other predator meat eaters will keep them in check and calm the nerves of the PETA People, as they listen to the growls, screeches, and other noises the predators make. They can take comfort in knowing that it isn’t those terrible hunters out there with those dreaded guns wantonly shooting defenseless animals by luring them in with duck and turkey calls, for example.

Would the PETA People be safe to venture outside with predators running loose? Sure they would. After all, we know that the predator animals only go after food of the wild type. On second thought, some people think PETA People are pretty wild so maybe they will need to be extra careful around those animals looking for food.

Hold on now. We need to ponder all that with our PETA saturated brains. If animals are the cause of global warming, how will not killing them for food help decrease global warming? Something doesn’t wash here no matter how many times fish laden water is run over it. Does that make it fishier than it is already?

But all the foregoing PETA caused twisted thought has been for naught. NEWS FLASH! The PETA People have found the cause of global warming. It is the human diet causing it and more specifically, Al Gore’s diet. You read that right. Here it is from a most knowledgeable PETA expert, a spokesman for PETA, Matt Prescott: “For Al Gore, the fact that his diet is a leading contributor to global warming is a highly inconvenient truth - pun intended,"

There you have it. Gore has always been a fat head and now the rest of him has officially caught up with his cranium features. Is there a solution to this Al Gore caused scourge on our environment? Indeed there is and In Sorting It Out the plan is simple. Pen up Al Gore and feed him veggies. That will leave more meat for the rest of us and it will solve global warming in the process.

©  09-10-2007 DEC

      http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/main.jhtml?xml=/news/2007/09/09/wgore109.xml