Salvation is arriving at the portals of our PCs. Nancy Pelosi and her liberal buds in Congress are going to liberate us from the horrors of the free market so we can have affordable broadband Internet connections. Al Gore should rejoice that the medium he invented is going to find its rightful home in the hands of government. Yee Haw. Freed at Last!

Gone will be the need to fill out a two or three part form in order to be connected by the broadband provider. No siree! Now a quadruple, double triplicate six carbon layout that asks all kinds of questions to make sure you aren’t a terrorist that is going utilize the net to contact friends to encourage them to make unwarranted attacks on the nit wits ... err, the highly intelligent forms that repose in the lofty places of the Capitol; and once the motives for service are deemed pure, such form will be all that is needed to begin the Internet experience. Boot up and begin surfin’dude!

And there is more. None of the “connectees” need worry anymore about the profit that the “connectors” will make since everyone knows that the “connectors” are only in business to make a profit by charging higher prices than the government will charge since there is no need for profit. That’s right, the government won’t need to make a profit since they can collect taxes, and everyone knows that a government that collects taxes is far more efficient than a service provider that charges fees so they can make a profit. No longer will we be subjected to the whims of the greedy Gus types in the free market who raise prices on occasion to be able to pay the taxes imposed by the all caring politicians who feel our pain. Liberated? What do you mean? Right on!

But wait, don’t change the page. No longer will we be put on hold for a couple of minutes until a service tech can take our call for repairs. And forget the menu that is limited to only what you need. Government will provide you with a selection of numbers that will do everything you ever dreamed of, plus a few that may begin to resemble nightmares. And when you do get through the maze which will prove that you are worthy of receiving service, you will hear the nincom ... err unfriendly government at your service person who doesn’t know diddly ... sorry ... let’s start over; you will hear a friendly very learned person in the ways of government tell you that you will need to fill out Form AXY-1276-90AW before they can even begin to address the problem that you really may not have at all.

And why is that form necessary you ask?  You will be told that there are 6 people sitting around doing ... uh ... research on problems associated with Form AXY-1276-90AW, all of which is designed to give you far better service that the simpletons at the profit oriented broadband service that we will soon be putting out of business since they can’t make a profit due to our lower ... more customer friendly rates. Such comfort to know that the government is always thinking of us and our hard earned dollars and how to make them go farther, like say, to Washington D.C.

Then you tell them that all you want is to know when you will be hooked up because the installer didn’t show up. Oops. Pushed the wrong buttons.  Now come on, did you really expect the installer to show up when he is so busy hooking up all the deprived souls that couldn’t afford the profit making company or to be transferred to a person who could help? And besides, doesn’t it give you the warm fuzzies knowing that you will pay a tax to the “friendly bureaucrats” at the tax place instead of giving your hard earned lettuce to the profiteers? I thought so. Yee haw! Bring it on! Sign me up!

There is no doubt about it. Government run broadband will be an experience. In Sorting It Out, given the track record of the Pelosi types and the various programs they have created, I think I will take my chances with the profiteers. Can anyone say Medicare Drug Prescription Plan? I thought you could.

© 03-15-2006 DEC